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Fear, Delusion & Despair - Bhagsunag

I don't believe in Gods. But I do believe in powerful beings. I believe that there are some beings that are treated like Gods, but are not omniscient or omnipotent. They have feelings and go through anger, grief, love or greed just like humans do. They also take offense.

Today I entered a temple out of my own will (I usually don't visit temples when I am alone. I don't partake in worship to 'God'). Inside the temple, I felt this pressure, to touch the feet of an idol. Not because people were expecting me to, no. But because I was afraid. I was afraid that not touching the feet of the idol would somehow upset a powerful deity. I was afraid that I would be cursed by him and my life would become a living hell for a while.

I think back to all the stories I heard as a child. Stories about how a deity got angry with a bhakt and punished them severely. It was only after they prayed to that deity, and asked for forgiveness, would that deity turn the wheels of their life back to normal.

I don't want that in my life. I touched the feet and left.

I was at the gate of the temple, when I realized, it requires more exploring. These emotions. There's something I don't understand just yet. I went in again.

When I entered the temple, initially, I thought the temple had something to do with Lord Shiv (which apparently it did).

The bhagsunag temple is supposed to be built by a rakshas Bhagsu (Demon Bhagsu) after he got defeated in battle by Nag-Devta (Snake God) who was an incarnation of Lord Shiv.

I've somehow always found myself in Shiv temples. I am just 25 and I've already been to a lot of shiv temples. May be there's some sort of connection, or may be it's just inside my head, but I came looking for that connection. Something that needs to be revealed. Some connection.

I willingly enter Shiv temples and think about how do I always end up in one. What a self reinforcing delusion.

I find it weird that I couldn't find a single snake in a 'Nag' temple. This place is historically famous for Nags (snakes) but I didn't find a single snake in the entire area.

I guess, the people are snakes now, and the people are Rakshas. We wage war among ourselves. Fight ourselves. Defeat our self. Our battles leave no winner. Just hatred, and some new lines on the map and our hearts.

With these last thoughts, I left the temple.